A lesson I preach at every public speaking class is Always Value Feedback. Because we don’t know what we don’t know. We may have nervous tics that show up no place else except when we’re speaking before a group. We can have mannerisms that distract our listeners to the point that they miss what we’re saying. And all the while, we may be virtually clueless as to what we’re doing.
Following my own advice, I have my students fill out a feedback form for each class. It’s quite simple:
What I liked best ________ What could be improved __________ Other comments _________
As part of last week’s class, a discussion ensued about how technology has changed our communications. In addition to drive-thru restaurants and coffee shops, we have drive-thru banks, dry cleaners, and liquor stores (in some states). In Michigan a funeral home offers a drive-thru open casket viewing. (I am not making this up.) We can order our groceries online, then pull up and have someone load them into our cars. At work we email a person who sits twenty steps from us. We have lost so many opportunities to communicate with our fellow human beings.
As a follow-up to that conversation, one of the students last week wrote this essay-like question under “other comments.” How can we relate this class to the youngest generation working here who 100% doesn’t know how to have a live conversation?
Wow. I appreciate the courage it took to share that concern, and at the same time, I’m agonizing, “If someone in his 30s is thinking that, we must be in more trouble than I thought.”
When we had a follow-up conversation this week, a young woman in her early 20s asked if I thought that society might reach the point someday when no one talks and all communication comes from devices.
What a loss that would be. Can you imagine a couple being married and texting their wedding vows to each other and having the words show up on a big screen for others to read? Or instead of reading bedtime stories, a mom hands her two-year old a device that shows pictures only? It’s not a world I would want to be in.
I offered some suggestions to my students. MAKE THE PEOPLE WHO WORK FOR YOU TALK!! At a team meeting, announce it is no longer acceptable to not participate. Electronics need to be put away, and voices must be heard. If it’s a lost art, then we need to resurrect it!
Maybe I was ahead of my time last year when I named my speaking class what I did: TALK TO ME!
To my readers: What are your thoughts on this topic?
I truly enjoy your eloquently written posts that are thought-provoking and have beautiful messages.
My husband and I have witnessed both adult couples on their smartphones at restaurant tables, not conversing with each other and also teenagers who are out to dinner with their parents who are obviously “allowed” to get out their smartphones at the table.
When I lost my daughter my (then) bff never called me on the phone to comfort me or just talk to me but instead chose to email me to ask how I was.
Our society has become an electronic habit. It’s all so very, very sad and disheartening.
Joan, I’m sorry that someone you counted on to have your back let you down. I know you’ve been blessed many times over with new friends in your life. And I’m one of them!
I like to find ways to “force” people to talk to me by asking open-ended questions about themselves. When a man at the park stopped the dog and me the other day by asking if Riley is a blue tick coon hound (and I answered affirmatively), he said, “My dad trained blue ticks before he died.” That was a good opportunity to ask about his dad, where he was from, how long he did training, etc.
Just this morning I learned that my good friend’s uncle had died. It would have been very easy to email her a message of condolence. But, she is one of my dearest friends, so I immediately called her to tell her how sorry I was to hear of her uncle’s passing. We talked for about a half hour. Her uncle’s wife is still living, but in poor health – in fact, he was taking care of his wife all the while he had been in failing health. She knew that I had a lot of responsibility taking care of my parents when they were homebound. So I was able to offer suggestions and give her some advice on what course of action she should take concerning her aunt’s care. I could tell that she was much more at ease after our conversation, and I felt good about being able to point her in the right direction in order to help her aunt.
We are each “experts” in one field or another. Maybe we don’t have certified degrees in compassion or empathy or understanding, but we are knowledgeable just the same. It’s good to be able to share what we know in order to make another’s burdens lighter. I’m a firm believer in the “pay it forward” concept. Your generosity of spirit likely influenced your friend to encourage someone else.
Something I saw has stuck with me ever since. My husband and I were in Sam’s Club and were waiting in line to pay for our purchases. You probably know how long that can take sometimes. There was a mother and child, who was probably about 3 years old, sitting at one of the tables located in front of the checkout lines. That little girl was trying so hard to get her mother’s attention, but the mother was too busy looking at whatever she was infatuated with on her phone. That child never got loud or threw a “fit” as one might expect from one so young, so one can assume this was a regular occurrence for that little girl. It was so sad to see the poor little thing finally give up after not once did the mother even acknowledge her daughter’s presence.
This is just sad. I read a story that had been on NPR about psychologist Catherine Steiner-Adair. She wrote a book about parenting, called The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age. One of her comments was that, “We are behaving in ways that certainly tell children they don’t matter, they’re not interesting to us, they’re not as compelling as anybody, anything, any ping that may interrupt our time with them.” Because, really, we pay attention to what’s important to us. So if someone’s trying to talk to me and I don’t look up from my phone or laptop or tablet, it’s quite clear what I consider more important.