Over the past few years a friend of mine has had the multiple-time responsibility of clearing out homes of elderly relatives who have died. Her advice to the rest of us? “Get rid of your “stuff” before you die because no one else wants it. It will just end up being carted off in large black trash bags to the closest place that accepts donations.”
That’s a sad statement, but is likely more true than not. I’m not talking about leaving behind a family heirloom antique table or bookcase. I’m referring to all the “stuff” that means a lot to us personally (as in the entire contents of my writing room), but would likely be junk to anyone else.
Why do we accumulate so much? It seems to happen without our even being aware of it. Over the past year I’ve given away three sets of dishes, two sets of glasses, some pans, utensils, a teapot, and other items. And I still have too much.
I just went through the drawers where I’ve tossed hotel shampoos, conditioners, and lotions and came up with two bags to donate to the homeless shelter. I found four bottles of nail polish, different brands, but all quite close to the same shade. And I’m not even good about taking care of my nails, so how did all that polish get there?
Sunday’s sermon by guest speaker Father Tom Hayes was on this very topic. And he essentially made the same reference to large Hefty bags being dropped off to Goodwill or the Salvation Army.
The lesson was based on Luke 13 which includes the parable of the rich fool, and it’s where Jesus tells us…”for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.”
Is that why we end up with so much—in the mistaken belief that the more we have the more we matter? “He who dies with the most toys wins” has been attributed to Malcolm Forbes. But I saw another writer respond, “No, he who dies with the most toys is just dead.” My bet is that deep-down we all know what matters most: our faith, our family, our friends, love, kindness, generosity, forgiveness, and other fruits of the spirit.
A “faith alive” commentary in the Spirit Filled Life Bible for Students (copyright by Thomas Nelson, Inc.), says that “….throughout the Bible, wealth is shown as an aspect of God’s blessing and approval.” So it’s when we let our stuff take #1 priority in our lives that we become the rich fool, regardless of how much money is in our bank account.
To my readers: Is it difficult or liberating for you to donate / throw out / recycle items that have accumulated?
Good Gravy… NO! I’ll be 73 this year, and have been cleaning out “extras” for at least the last 20 years. I sometimes think people must sneak into my home while we’re asleep, to leave THEIR extra stuff, because no matter how much I discard or give away, there always seems to be more of it to face the same fate!
My husband and I will be selling our current home and down-sizing within a year, and there’s no way all this “stuff” is going with us. He enjoys cooking (a bonus for me!), but that means he’s drawn to the latest and greatest pots and pans. While that’s not a grave sin, he does not dispatch the current lot, which is darn close to a misdemeanor!
We, likewise, have given away several sets of dishes, silverware, glasses, even furniture. One year I gave away a holiday tree, ornaments and Christmas decorations to someone who posted a local “need” online. We’ve given away home-goods several times to young people setting up their own apartment. So for me it’s liberating to SEE and have less around the house. The cat stays and the husband stays; remember, he likes to cook!
A husband who likes to cook (and is good at it!) is always a bonus!
It’s becoming more liberating to me to donate household items now that I am “aging” because I get to choose where the “stuff” goes. We have many baby items in our home that our granddaughters have outgrown (toys, stroller, swing, high chair, booster & potty seat, etc, and they are ready & waiting to be donated to the local women’s & children’s center.
Our daughters have declared certain items they’d like to have after our passing & underneath the Lladros, Hummels, & hand- me- down heirlooms are their names. This gives me peace of mind.
In the meantime, every couple months I go through the closets to purge/donate items. It feels so good!
Somehow I feel psychologically “thinner” when I get rid of stuff! Good to know you have all the baby hand-me-downs going to a good cause.
Many years ago my husband and I put our home of 28 years up for sale. Because we lived in a depressed real estate market, we made this move two years before we planned to retire because we honestly thought our house might take that long to sell. Not so….. We sold our home for our full asking price one hour after it went on the market. In the offer we were asked to close in three weeks. We were both working full time and wondered how we could ever do it. I knew it was up to me to pack the inside because my husband seemed to be overwhelmed by the barn and garage. I went thru every closet, drawer and shelf making three piles, “Pack to Take,” “Donate,” or “Throw away.” My husband was doing the same thing. 60 boxes and 20 bags later we basically had gone thru our entire house over Memorial Day weekend. When we were all done my husband and I lamented why we had never cleaned those shelves, drawers or closets before. The house was so much nicer to live in for those last weeks that we nearly reneged on the deal. I vowed at that time to be very selective about what came into my home and I promised to go through things more often. I wish I could say that I have kept that promise. Reading this blog has reminded me about that experience and how much my husband and I enjoyed living that short time with so little “stuff”. I am going to start tomorrow, one room at a time!
Sometimes it can be just a drawer or a vanity or one section of a closet that we go through to make a difference. I think clothes are the worst for me. Even tops I haven’t worn in years, I’ll look at them and say, “Oh, I always liked that. I’ll wear that in the fall.” And one fall turns to another! Like you, I’m determined to stay on top of it from here on out!
I would say that I don’t have a difficult time throwing out items that I have accumulated. However, when we cleaned out my mother-in-law’s house three years ago after she had died, I came across all the postcards that I had sent her over the many years that I traveled with my husband (work related). There was a total of 56 postcards from over 24 states. They brought back such nice memories of the things we did and saw and all of our adventures. We have had a fun time sharing them with our grandchildren and reminiscing about our travels. And, yes, they are stored in a box that we keep in a closet – some things you just can’t throw out – not yet anyway.
Maybe you could have a poster made of the postcards and hang it on the walls. When our daughter Laura spent a semester in Spain, they went on lots of excursions to various spots. I had told her to bring home a postcard from each place. Then one year for Christmas I had them professionally framed. She still has them hanging on her wall.
I really don’t know which of your friends you referred to in this blog, Norma, but I certainly could fit the description. In the last 20 years I have had to be responsible for the handling of the estates of several relatives including my father-in-law, my parents, and an elderly aunt – the last of which was the most difficult and time consuming. Unfortunately, much of what was not distributed among relatives and friends or donated ended up in our home along with portions of our daughter’s belongings which landed in our home in between her up-to-now 13 moves. Also my husband’s sister died a few years ago, and some of her things had been left here when she and her husband got rid of everything they owned and became full-time RV’ers and not retrieved even when they moved into a permanent home after 9 years on the road. With all that “stuff” accumulated, there was only a pathway through the many boxes and bags stored in that portion of our basement, the bulk of which belonged to others than ourselves.
I am happy to say that we have started a large clean out of our home. BUT it has only started and has mostly included ONLY items removed from our basement. The attic, the remainder of the house, and our garage are yet to be tackled. From that small portion or our home have come uncounted bags of garbage, 5 full truckloads of items either to be donated to various locations or otherwise disposed of, 6 jam packed carloads of donations to the Salvation Army and one item, a large like-new car top carrier, sold for $20.00 to a delightful family whom we were so happy to have had the opportunity to meet. Other than a few possibly valuable or otherwise meaningful items we have only saved pictures. We could not believe how many pictures we found in the basement alone. Including those belonging to our daughter they filled 5 large boxes, and we know there are many more scattered throughout our home!
Was it difficult or liberating to accomplish this task? It may have been a little difficult in the beginning. However, believe me, by the end of those many weeks of work, it was extremely liberating!!! AND it feels so very good to know each time we go through another area of our home that will be less our daughter, an only child who gave us permission to donate or do otherwise with her belongings which she hadn’t seen in years, will have to handle when we are gone. If it weren’t for knowing she will be left with the job of handling our estate, we might figure it’s not our problem once we’re gone and not bother doing all the work. So, if you have children, PLEASE start cleaning out now while you still can and LIBERATE yourselves now and them in the future!
Yes, I know this blog was timely for you, having just seen your nicely cleaned out “old” basement. Congratulations for making a big head start!