Even years after a child dies, for the mom or dad some days are harder than others. For many, the child’s birthday triggers the strongest emotions; all the bright and happy memories tied to that date. Others find that the anniversary of the death is the hardest day of the year; no matter HOW our child died, it’s that day when we drag out all the “what ifs” and “if only I had” tormenting thoughts. And for some the saddest day may be a holiday such as Christmas.

For me, for the past eight years, the hardest day has been Mother’s Day. And it caused me to feel shameful, because I have a wonderful daughter who is the kind of person every mom dreams of having for a daughter. I am blessed by her very presence in my life.

The curious thing is that I have never been able to pinpoint exactly why Mother’s Day was my trigger day. I don’t recall any particularly vivid memories, good or bad, surrounding the day over the years. There were no vacations or life events tied to the day. It was just when I missed my son more than any other day of the year.

I have a friend whose son died in a vehicle accident ten years ago when he was 27. When I sent her a note on the anniversary of his death this year, she wrote back her thanks and added that she was still waiting for the softening effect she’s been expecting as the years put time and space between today and the moment of losing her son.

I believe that the softening effect comes to each of us in its own time and its own way, and sometimes in quite unexpected ways.

The sadness of Mother’s Day for me has been softened by a thrift store gift from my brother-in-law Bill. A couple years ago I shared with him that the day was challenging for me, wanting to be upbeat and festive with my husband and daughter, but feeling that deep sense of loss inside.

When he came upon the small collectible plate titled, “Walking with Loved Ones” by artist Laurie Snow Hein, he bought it for me. He said it reminded him of me walking with my children when they were young and we lived in the country.

The plate is the photo at the top of this post. It shows the mom holding the little girl’s hand while carrying the younger boy on her hip. They’re walking down a curved path, and we can’t see what lies ahead for them.

The same is true for life. We hold on to those we love, unable to know what smiles or tears might be waiting for us. But there is one truth I do know. My boy is still with me in my heart, and his soul is at peace. Tim is remembered in love and with joy.

I don’t believe in coincidences; I believe in blessings from God given through people. The plate was discovered in a thrift store in 2016.

If you look closely at the photo, you’ll see that the plate is imprinted Mother’s Day 2009. That was my first Mother’s Day without Tim. Nope, not a coincidence.

To my readers:  To encourage others, please share a story about finding joy again after the loss of a loved one.