Photo by Rudolf Jakkel from Pexels
There are exactly 83 days until my 50th high school reunion. May I just say I don’t feel old enough to have this event on my calendar?
Growing up in rural Pennsylvania, I attended a regional high school. The towns were spread out so it took several of them and the areas between them to provide enough kids to occupy the school.
There were less than one hundred kids in the 1968 graduating class. So everyone did know everyone else, if not well, at least well enough to engage in conversation.
I enjoyed high school; I had enough friends, was a good student and in the honor society, was happy to be a cheerleader, and participated in lots of events. Why yes, in fact, a good friend and I joined the rod and gun club to increase the possibility of hanging out with boys. Should I ever run for a political office, the media will likely print that club photo with my head encircled in red as evidence of whatever.
Unlike the stereotypical high school life today, our school had no cliques or elite groups of mean girls or bullies or gangs. At least, that’s how I remember it.
After recently talking with my best friend about the upcoming reunion (we were classmates), though, I think that maybe I wore rose-colored glasses throughout my high school years. While my bestie never encountered problems directly, she was empathic enough to notice it going on around us.
She saw the overweight girls with whom no one wanted to partner in gym class.
She heard the snickers about the girl who smelled bad, all the while knowing the back story that the odor stemmed from hormonal issues caused by a prescription drug the girl’s mom had taken to prevent a miscarriage.
She noticed the people who weren’t part of any “in” crowds who seemed to drift along, excluded, for four years by themselves.
Why wasn’t I paying attention?
Social psychologists have long noted that we tend to think others just naturally share our set of values. As in: I believe it’s wrong to steal, so I want to think that everyone considers stealing taboo as well. But of course, stealing occurs every single day all over the world.
This is called the False Consensus Effect. We believe our own standards, ideas, and values are correct and that most people are in sync with our way of thinking.
Can I expand this to include that because I didn’t experience exclusion or meanness in school, I made the assumption that everyone else was having a swell time too?
I want to believe that I’m more attentive and empathic as an adult than I was as a teenager. But for anyone in our class who once needed a friend and I turned a blind eye to…I’m sorry. To any joke against another young person for which I added my laughter, I deeply regret that action.
Life is indeed short. Remember to be kind. And attentive.
Please come give me a hug at the reunion.
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Link to the False Consensus Effect
This story really hit home with me. I often wonder if I participated in hurtful actions to others during my school years. I think I know the answer. A few incidences come to my mind and I, like Norma, sincerely regret anything I may have done during those self-centered teen-age years. It is too bad that maturity comes a little too late for high school.
Norma, was I the friend who joined the rod and gun club with you? It still seems like a good plan, but I bet those boys saw right through us!
When I worked with middle school kids at the Boys and Girls Club, I would frequently remind them that middle school and high school were not real life. Kids can be sweet and kids can be mean as heck. I do believe my partner in the club was Miss Hoover.
Not too many years ago, I had a good friend who reminded me that I would never “jitterbug” with her at the Dairy Nook or Dairy Acres (teen hangouts), and I could tell by her face that she was not kidding – this was hurtful to her. Sorry to say that I do remember making up excuses why I didn’t want to dance with her. Who knew that would have been so hurtful after 50 years?
Exactly – I hope you gave her a big hug and invited her to Fairfield for a sock hop.
Norma, this was so heart-rending. I, like you, probably had rose colored glasses. But I was a farm girl and didn’t get the chance to socialize very much with the city kids (ha ha). I was so glad to see everyone at school that I missed the bad behavior of others but I’m sure I had opinions. And if I hurt anyone I sincerely wish to apologize for my bad behavior. I want to hug each and everyone in our 50 class reunion and regret the ones who will be missing!
Beverly, thank you so much for being a new reader and offering your first comment. I’m really looking forward to seeing you live and in person in October.