Photo courtesy of David Sinclair on Unsplash

I spent the weekend in Connecticut with my 95-year-old aunt. She’s my aging role model: smart, healthy, active, mentally sharp, articulate, and both interesting and interested.

The worst physical problem she experiences is severe hearing loss. Even with hearing aids, she finds it next to impossible to hear when in noisy places such as restaurants or when someone speaks too fast, mumbles, or speaks without facing her directly.

In one sense, some unpleasant conversations we encountered over the weekend were made worse because my aunt either asked the speaker to repeat himself or she looked to me to explain what had been said.

Yes, I realize that last paragraph is vague. And I try to keep these posts positive. But this story has got to be told. Actually, it can be summed up by the title of an article by Tori Weyand: Dear Older Men, please stop being creepy already.

Yes, I realize that older men suffering from dementia may act out sexually, either physically or verbally, or both. The National Institute of Health identifies the condition as ISB (Inappropriate Sexual Behavior). That’s not a joke; there’s a link at the end of this story.

But these three creepy guys appeared to be in their 50s and 60s and were fully functioning adults, dementia-free.

The first was a neighbor who stopped to say hello as we were sitting outside. He looked at my aunt and asked, “You’re not having any more problems with sex, are you?” And then he laughed uproariously. Yeah, I was very excited to try to explain that to her.

The second encounter was with a male Jamaican server in a cafeteria line. One of the entrée options was chicken and only chicken legs were in the pan. Preferring white meat, Auntie asked, “Do you have any breasts?” The server made a big deal of pretending to misunderstand the question as though she were asking him if he personally had breasts. He cupped his upper chest and said, “No, I’m a man. Only women have breasts.”

His deceit was so obvious.

I’m pretty sure my aunt did not fully understand what was going on. But the guy did produce a chicken breast from another pan.

The third issue occurred as we were leaving the cafeteria and she saw a table of four friends from the senior center. She introduced me and we stood and talked with them for a bit. One fellow engaged me in conversation, asking the usual “where are you from” type questions. When I said I live in the Virginia countryside, he asked about the wildlife I had encountered.

After I mentioned the fox, the wild turkey, and bear, he said, “We don’t have any of those around here. We just have cougars.” He then growled seductively like Roy Orbison in the Pretty Woman song and  said, “And I really like cougars.”

Uh, in case you’re not up with the times, a current meaning of the word cougar is “an older woman seeking a sexual relationship with a younger man.”

So since this guy looked to be in his late 60s, I don’t know if that means he’s looking for a woman in her 70s or older. I am choosing to believe he didn’t mean my aunt. Fortunately, she didn’t hear this exchange.

What is going on here? I’m not a prude and yet I was offended both for myself and my aunt.

These types of remarks are rude and inappropriate and typically I would have had some choice words for these guys. I kept silent because I didn’t want to create a negative situation or added embarrassment for my aunt.

But before I go visit her again, I believe I’ll print up some small cards imprinted with that succinct headline: Dear Older Men, please stop being creepy already. Then when the occasion arises, as we leave I can say to the man, “Here’s my card.” And wink.

That sounds just right.

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NIH article on Inappropriate Sexual Behavior

Roy Orbison singing Pretty Woman