Photo of Rosalie Thatcher with a great-great-grand-daughter shortly before Rosalie’s death.
Some people (it seems especially older people) have a habit of reading the local obituaries each day. I recall my parents doing this, but I don’t do it. (Not yet, anyhow!)
Is it just me or do you find it unsettling when the family chooses a decades-old photograph to run with the obituary of an elderly deceased person? I don’t understand the point of doing that. The words may say, “James Smith, 97, died peacefully in his sleep at home,” and yet the photo is from his high school yearbook. What, James hasn’t had his photograph taken in the past eighty years?
Our local paper also adds a tag-line of sorts after the deceased’s name. So James’ caption might read, “James Smith, Accountant.” The guy retired forty years ago. Why are we so keen on tying a job/career label to people as though that matters above all else?
My daughter has been duly warned to NOT have any job/career-related identifier in my thirty- years-in-the-future obituary. It is to read Norma Thatcher, Child of God. That is the most important label to me; everything else pales in comparison.
And as far as a photo, I want to follow a South Korean custom called Yeongjeong Sajin, translated as funeral portraits. I think this cultural practice is one which we should adopt, but keep it in its truest form. The photograph should have a plain background, the person is dressed up, and the goal is to capture the essence of the person. An updated photo is taken at least every five years.
The practice is not viewed as being morbid; it’s facing the fact that eventually people will be attending a funeral for you and for me and for the person sitting next to you at work or on the subway.
So it’s understood to be something that you take care of, just like making a will. I’m adding it to my checklist for the executor of my estate and those I will leave behind:
Current will on hand? Check.
Access to passwords and the safety deposit box key? Check.
Funeral/Burial arrangements known? Check.
Funeral portrait to use at the service and in the obituary? Check.
In my research for this post, I came across a story of a retired 78-year-old construction company manager who turned his hobby of photography into taking funeral portraits for free. In a Seoul park, he sets up his equipment and draws in many people. The article noted that the people are both grateful for this free service as well as happy with the results due to the Photoshop work the photographer uses to erase age spots and wrinkles. See, it starts out as a nice story but then the practice of “making things perfect” creeps in. If you’re trying to capture the essence of a person, the age spots and wrinkles need to show up too.
I have enjoyed earning every single one of my laugh lines.
My guess is that so have you. So yes, here’s looking at you!
To my readers: I’d enjoy hearing your response to this article.
