Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Now don’t get upset; you know I’m not THAT kind of a writer.
But my guess is that as soon as you read the phrase F word in this post’s title, some of your minds went there. And that’s the word I’m using to typify just the BAD descriptive. It is, after all, a word overused to the point that it’s meaningless. (Not overused by me, you understand.) The shock value is over. So let’s all agree to stop saying it.
The UGLY words are more debilitating to our souls when used to describe us: Failure, Fearful, Flawed, Fraud.
My four GOOD words (well, really they are my four BEST F words) represent my answer when people ask how I overcame the personal tragedy of losing a child to drugs: Faith, Family, Friends, Forgiveness
Faith is first because it’s the cornerstone of my life. Everything I am is based on my Christian beliefs:
- That God loves me, no matter what
- That I’m forgiven, no matter what
- That grace abounds, no matter what
- That I’m to love everyone else, no matter what
Most of the time, I hold onto my faith like a life raft.
Family comes next because, thankfully, I have an amazing immediate family and extended family who rallied around us, supporting us and making no judgments. They kept watch over us and handled what we couldn’t handle.
Friends (some of whom I didn’t even know I had) showed up with food or flowers and pitched in to do whatever needed doing. One woman I knew slightly many years ago offered to come clean my bathrooms for company. And she wasn’t kidding.
Forgiveness might seem like the “one of these things is not like the others” word. But when you are at your emotional bottom, blame shows up. You want to be able to blame something or someone.
And sadly, many of us blame ourselves. This is what the endless loop of self-talk sounded like in my head in the early days: “I should have done this. If only I hadn’t done that. Why didn’t I understand what was going on? I was his mom; I should have been able to save him. What kind of a mother am I?”
And this is why forgiveness of myself was first. If I couldn’t forgive myself, how could I forgive anyone else, including my son Tim? And believe me, the list of people to forgive was lengthy.
If we don’t forgive, it’s harder to climb out of that emotional bottom. We can get stuck down there. Our anger and resentment grow, and we end up living a life filled with bitterness and hatred. And that is not a good life.
Let’s live a life of forgiving ourselves and those who trespass against us.
Norma:
This is one of your best that I have read, thus far!!! God is very clear about forgiveness, and tells us that if we don’t/won’t forgive, then neither will WE be forgiven. I’m not perfect, just forgiven!!!! HALLELUJAH, what a Saviour.
Bill
As always, thanks for responding, Bill. A contemporary Christian song called FORGIVENESS by Matthew West contains these lines:
It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what its power can do
So let it go and be amazed by what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
Really beautiful Norma. My mom, (Joan) always sends your writings to my sister and I and they always make me cry. Thank you for your words of honesty and encouragement.
-Kate
Dear Kate, thank you so much for responding. Even though you don’t know me, I feel as though I know you and Jamie and Erin, all through the beautiful stories your mom tells of you girls. Family is to be treasured.
Thank you Norma for your wonderful message. I want to print it to save. I plan to refer to it in the future. Thank you for sharing. Love, Ruth
Hi Ruth. I’m a paper person also, and I am honored that you found my message one to keep. Thanks for writing.
So many important – major, I mean, major! – things in one little page, which made me cry. What a necessary post!
Thank you, dear Frederique. And when you read today’s post, you’ll see I incorporated the quote we talked about yesterday.