Funerals are likely not anyone’s favorite place to be. I personally find funerals soothing in some way. Someone has died, and the people who love, admire, and respect the person come together to say goodbye. We send the person off and comfort those who remain behind. Closure is sometimes viewed as an unrealistic situation, but to me, it’s something I need.
I have some friends, about seven of them, who have made the decision to NOT have any type of funeral or memorial service when they die. Maybe some of you reading this feel the same way. This puts my emotions into a mixed-up, confused state. Who am I to say what end-of-life decisions someone else should make? But I can’t help it; I really want them to have a final goodbye on earth.
The funeral I attended yesterday was that of a good friend from church. She was instrumental in my years-ago decision to become a lay reader at church. When she became disabled from a stroke last year, I had the opportunity to tell her in person how much she had meant to my life in that aspect. Silly us…too often we keep thankful thoughts in our heads instead of saying them out loud to the folks who need to hear them.
And at funerals, the loved ones of the deceased get to hear those thoughts and stories. They may never have known what an impact their husband had on people’s careers. They may have no idea that something their mother taught a person changed that person’s life. There may be dozens of funny, sad, or poignant stories about their loved one that they had never heard. And without a funeral, never will.
So do me a favor. If you’re one of those who want to go gentle or quietly into that good night, just think it over from your family’s and friends’ points of view. We want to talk about you. And I promise that it will all be good.
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Your “Lifted Up” on funerals was very thoughtful and helpful. Thank you for all your thoughts. Theses are important things we can do now.
Norma:
I have greatly mixed feelings about “closure”!!! Just exactly what is closure, how is it achieved and when does or will it show its finality?? I certainly have never felt any type of closure regarding, Dad, Mom, Carroll, Betty, and of course, Dearest Tim. Grief has no time table and it is different for every person!! I do not know if God wants us to close these loved ones out of our lives, but to continue to remember the positive effects each one has had on our lives, as we have journeyed together. Not a sermon, just some thoughts.
Norma, this is something that has been heavy on my heart since March 13th. My younger sister died from lymphosarcoma; it was the third time she was diagnosed with it. She chose to not undergo treatment & limited how knew she was dying. She wanted no services not even an obituary. Now I understand what it feel like to have no closure for her. My youngest sister and I spent an afternoon eating ice cream and sharing how we remember her. This did help. After that day, my thoughts of her are not how she died but what an impact she had on us while she was with us. Thank you.
Mary, I just found this as an “unapproved” message waiting for my approval. I’m so sorry that your comment was in limbo. Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you and your youngest sister were able to hold your own memorial service for your sister who died. Each person deserves to be remembered well and it sounds like you did just that. Love to you.