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When’s the last time you were afraid? Actually and truly afraid.

I don’t mean when you felt anxiety or nervousness.

I’m talking about the heart-racing, I-can’t-think-or-breathe kind of fear that makes you feel sick to your stomach.

When I ask that question of my public speaking students, the answers I receive back depend on the gender breakdown of the class.

If it’s all men, they’ll usually drum their fingers or prop a hand under the chin while gazing at the ceiling. Fear? A typical male response relates to heavy turbulence during a plane trip or to a health scare.

But if the group includes at least one woman, the answer to when they last felt fear is usually this:  Last week. Or last month.

One female student reported that while she was doing an early morning run, a car started pacing her. She felt as though she needed to literally run for her life. Another woman said that while she was driving to do errands, she noticed a car following her to the various spots. When she pulled into the police station, the driver took off.

When people tell me they hold a deathly fear about public speaking, I ask them to identify the last time, outside of speaking publicly, they felt profound fear.

We then talk about the situation that produced that real fear. It usually involves being frightened that someone (stranger danger) or something (dangerous weather or an illness) was going to hurt or kill them or a loved one.

When they consider the absolute difference between speaking anxiety and a real and present threat to life, the realization of the distinction will often produce a smile, a deep breath, or a palpable relaxation of a tense body.

Jack Canfield, one of the Chicken Soup for the Soul guys, offered this acronym for FEAR (when there is no life-threatening event present).

False Evidence Appearing Real.

I’ve also heard/seen the encouraging

Face Everything And Rejoice

Face Everything And Rise (to the occasion)

And because there are some people who enjoy holding on to the negative perception of unwarranted fear of public speaking, the following are floating out there as well:

Forget Everything And Run

Failure Expected And Received (Apparently the self-fulfilling prophecy is still alive and well!)

Note:  I do NOT advocate buying into those last two!

I’m always on the lookout for new and fresh perspectives to encourage my students to shed the fear of public speaking. The April 2017 Real Simple article on Pamela Abalu, one of the 400 African American females in America who is a licensed architect, was inspiring.

As chief architect and global head of design and construction at MetLife, Ms. Abalu has long shown a dedication to succeeding.

I love her definition of fear.  “Fear is imagination used for the wrong purpose.”

There are times when we should feel fear and respond accordingly to save our lives.

Public speaking isn’t one of them.